Perspectives
by devianttart
Summary: Would it hurt more to lose the most important person in your life or to have him forget everything about you? A sequel to PHOTOGRAPH.
1. Chapter 1

_Perspectives is the third part in a series, the sequel to Photograph. It will make no sense if you have not read Photograph. Picture Book is the prequel (Daniel and Ella as children) and this is Daniel and Ella, post-descenion. Unlike Picture Book, I don't think there will be many "violence" warnings. But there are language warnings. Ella is still Ella.

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_Set post-"Evolution." _

_I own no one but Ella.

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Jack and Daniel

Grocery shopping was the most normal thing that Jack O'Neill ever did anymore. That was one of the reasons he liked it. It brought a sense of normalcy to his abnormal life. And it was a nice distraction from Goa'ulds, Tok'ra, and even his buddies the Asgard. The local grocery store meant home. And it took concentration. His regular schedule might take him off world for several days at a time. Add to that unexpected abductions, gate malfunctions and random base lockdowns, and he could be gone for weeks at a time. Jack had learned a long time ago that there was little worse than coming home after a long, hard mission to a crisper full of liquefied lettuce and a bag of rock-hard, moldy bread. Of course what was worse was coming home to _nothing_. No butter, no milk, no beer. It didn't feel like home at all. So Jack had learned to shop smart. Non-perishables and frozen foods. It was nice to know that however long the mission would be, there was a steak waiting to be thawed and Guinness waiting to be cracked open. It made things feel normal again.

Jack just wished that he could get Daniel to remember this. After getting the archeologist out of South America, Daniel had had to spend some quality time with Janet Fraiser, healing from his injuries. Jack drove Daniel home yesterday only to find nothing in the kitchen but a box of stale saltines and an old pound of coffee. Jack just rolled his eyes and told his friend to order a pizza and that tomorrow they were shopping for real food.

So here they were. It was later in the day than Jack had intended but at least the usual Saturday crowd had thinned out. Daniel ambled along side Jack in a much better mood than Jack would have expected considering how the anti-Honduran rebels had treated him. Then again, a year and a half ago, Daniel was drowning in his own blood and interstitial fluids while his flesh melted off of his bones. Radiation poisoning did not kill pretty. An event like that probably re-set one's standard for traumatic events, whether it was consciously remembered or not. Torture at the hands of guerilla rebels might not be such a big deal.

"Jack, that's enough pizza," Daniel peered into the cart where Jack was stacking cardboard boxes.

"It would be but you're hosting hockey night on Tuesday. I know how much Carter can eat." Jack grabbed a fifth box.

"Why am I – you know what? Never mind. Thanks for warning me this time." Daniel dug around the cart, dislodging pasta boxes, peanut butter, frozen vegetables and cereal. "I think this is enough food for awhile."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. This should get you through at least two weeks of 24-hour days and a week and a half of you going MIA." They headed towards the registers.

The aisle they walked down held coffee and tea selections. Distracted, Daniel did not notice the tall redhead staring at him in shock. But Jack did.

"Ella," Jack said. Daniel turned to see whom Jack was talking to.

"Daniel?" Ella asked.

Jack realized what was going to happen a half second before it did. Ella's hand basket hit the ground. Immediately after, so did she.

"Oh jeeze," Jack muttered as he and Daniel rushed to the unconscious woman. Jack bent down and checked her pulse, feeling for any bleeding from where her head hit the floor.

"Jack, who is she?" Daniel leaned over her with a look of deep confusion. Jack realized that this was one more of Daniel's memories that had not returned, post-descension.

Jack sat back on his heels considering what to do next. "Dammit, Daniel, it's never just 'normal' with you, is it?"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

As Daniel stared at the woman on the floor, he knew two things clearly. One was that he knew exactly what she looked like naked, down to the dove tattoo on her hip and the fuchsia polish on her toes. And the second was that he didn't know anything else. Even her name was a mystery, although he thought that he had heard Jack call her "Emma." The exasperated look on Jack's face told him that he should know more than that.

"Jack, who is she?" he repeated.

Jack let out a deep sigh. As he began to speak, the woman groaned and moved her head. "Oh, fuck, ow…" she said softly, opening her eyes. She focused on Daniel. "Oh my god. What are you doing here?"

The question was not what he expected. "Uh, um, grocery shopping."

She tried to blink away the fogginess in her eyes, oblivious to the crowd that was growing around them. "But – you're dead." She noticed Jack behind her. "You told me he was dead."

Daniel hunched down beside her and looked into her panic-filled eyes. "Who are you?"

She reached up to touch his face, lightly, "Daniel…it's me…Ella…"

"Okay folks," Jack interrupted, hearing the crowd start to murmur excitedly. "Let's move this somewhere else, okay? Ella, can you stand?" He held out her hand and helped her up. She was unsteady on her feet and continued to stare at Daniel. Jack steered her down the aisle while Daniel tried to clean up the scattered groceries. After a few moments, he gave up and hurried after the pair, muttering apologies to the crowd.

He caught up to them in the parking lot. The woman was perched on the fender of Jack's jeep with her head between her knees. Jack was saying something to her, too soft for Daniel to overhear. As he approached, she looked up. She got to her feet and walked towards him, almost, but not quite, touching him again.

"Daniel, what is going on? _How_ are you _here?_ Why are you looking at me like that?" Under the harsh lights of the parking lot, the woman's pale skin had taken on an unhealthy cast.

Daniel stared at her, at a loss for what to say. She was a stranger to him. _I know I've seen you naked_ just couldn't be an appropriate comment. But his brain had blanked. Desperate, he looked to Jack for help.

Jack walked up to them. "Ella, that's what I was trying to tell you. We were wrong. Daniel wasn't dead. But he doesn't remember a lot of his life from before." Jack's eyes flicked over to Daniel before he continued. "I don't think he remembers you."

The words hung in the night air. That they sounded horrible to Daniel's ears didn't change the fact that they were true.

Ella looked at him. "You don't remember me?"

He shook his head. "Emma – uh _Ella_ – I'm sorry…I don't…"

She gestured helplessly, "But it's _me_…_"_

Daniel could only respond, "I'm sorry."

Ella pulled off her glasses and put her hand over her eyes. It looked like she was trying to erase the image of Daniel standing there, miserable and silent. As he watched her trying not to see him, trying not to cry, his heart broke for her. He had no idea how, but his ascension had caused her a world of pain. It felt like he stood there for a small eternity, wanting to reach out to her, but afraid to hurt her more. He didn't know how to make it better.

Thank god Jack was there to help. Jack walked up quietly and placed his hands on Ella's shoulders. "Let me drive you home, okay?"

She didn't argue. She just reached into her coat pocket and handed Jack her keys. Scrubbing her face with her hand, she gave Daniel one last look before turning her back on him. "I'm parked over there," she pointed to a small red compact a row over.

Jack tossed his keys to Daniel. "Follow me, okay?"

Daniel caught the keys and nodded, watching the pair walk away again.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

When Jack started the engine, music came blasting from the speakers. Cursing to himself, he turned it down. Ella didn't seem to notice. She was starting out the passenger side window with blank eyes. She told Jack where she lived and then was silent.

After five long minutes, she asked Jack a question. Her voice was so soft that he couldn't hear her. "What?" he asked.

"I said, _how long?_ How long has he been back?"

"Oh. About three months."

She looked over at him. "Three months? Three months and you never thought to call me?"

"Things have been really crazy with work," he replied lamely.

"How could you have thought he was dead when he wasn't? You didn't say 'He might be dead.' You didn't say, 'Daniel's missing.' You said, 'Daniel died four months ago.'" Anger had started to trickle into her voice.

Jack felt distinctly uncomfortable. He _had_ lied then, but he had had no choice. After all… "Ella, as I told you then, most of the details are - "

"So help me, if you say 'classified' I will reach behind my seat, grab my tire iron and beat you to death with it." The sidewise look she was giving him did not tell him if she was exaggerating or not. Seeing no real option, he kept his mouth shut until she spoke again, minutes later. "I am so _angry _with you," she whispered. "You and him both. How could he forget – _everything?_" She had closed her eyes and had her hands clenched on to the dashboard.

"When we found him, he didn't even know who he was. He didn't remember us, or his life. He didn't even know that he was on the wrong - " _planet,_ he almost said. "We didn't find him in this country. He was lost."

"Oh god." Jack heard a sob catch in her throat. "Oh god, please pull over."

"Huh?"

"Please pull the fucking car over!"

Quickly, Jack pulled into the shoulder. Ella fumbled out of her seat belt and jumped out of the car. Jack heard her begin to vomit over the guardrail.

Daniel pulled the Jeep in front of him. Jack climbed out of the car and brought Ella a water bottle that he had found in the drink holder. She took a drink and rinsed her mouth with some water.

"Ella - " Daniel started to say.

"Please don't." She held up her hand to silence him, still facing into the darkness.

"Ella, I'm sorry." He tried anyway.

"You're sorry?" Ella turned to Daniel with such fury that Jack stepped back. "You're sorry?" She brushed past Jack and got in Daniel's face. "For what? For forgetting me? For fucking dying on me? You fucking died on me, you dumb son of a bitch!" Tears began to run down her face and she jabbed his chest hard as she ranted. "You left me alone. I was alone! How could you do that to me?"

Daniel was helpless in the face of her grief. "I don't know."

For a second, Jack thought that Ella was going to strike Daniel. And it wouldn't have been a girly little smack. Then, without looking away from her former foster brother, she held out her hand to Jack. "Give me my keys."

"I'm sorry, what?" Jack asked.

"My keys, my car keys. Gimme' the goddamn keys!" She shook her hand in his direction.

Jack tried to calm her down a little. "Ella, I don't think - "

She cut him off with a withering glare. "I really don't care what you think right now." Jack put the keys in her hand.

As she moved away, Daniel put his hand on her arm. "Please wait. We can talk…or something…Please let me help you."

"No. I can't talk to you. I can't even look at you right now. It just…you...it hurts...it hurts…Please leave me alone." She kept her eyes to the pavement.

Daniel let her go.

As the two men stood in the flickering lights of the Jeep's blinkers Jack asked, "Daniel, do you remember _anything_ about her?"

With his fists buried in his coat pockets, Daniel looked tired and very sad. "I know…that I knew her. I know that she has a tattoo on her hip of a dove flying out of a cracked heart. I know that she favors fuchsia toenail polish. But I didn't know how to tell her that I know _that_ but…nothing else."

There was a long pause as Ella's car lights disappeared from view. Finally Jack put his hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Let's get you home."

As they walked towards the Jeep, Daniel rubbed at his sternum. "I have to say that her poking me like that felt kind of familiar."

"Well, it's a start," Jack replied.

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TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

_Warnings: Some sexual content, some disturbing events. _

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Previously:

As they walked towards the Jeep, Daniel rubbed at his sternum. "I have to say that her poking me like that felt kind of familiar."

"Well, it's a start," Jack replied.

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Ella

As Ella drove away, she glanced in her rearview mirror. She saw the two men bathed in red light. They were watching her. Anger flared through her and she looked back to the road, driving automatically. She let her anger push away everything else. It felt good. It made sense. In all of the chaos of tonight, the only thing she understood was that she had been lied to. Daniel wasn't and never had been dead. But he had abandoned her.

Once she arrived home, she did her usual nighttime chores on autopilot. Sort the mail, feed the cat, brush her teeth. Slam a frozen dinner into the microwave for a late meal. She wouldn't think about how sad Daniel looked when she faced him on the roadside; how he had tried to talk to her. Fuck him. He had left her…he had forgotten her…

_He must have been so scared_. That thought returned with a wave of nausea.She had thrown up when Jack told her that Daniel had been found in another country with no memory. She suddenly didn't feel like eating the meal that was heating up. _He must have been so scared._

A crack formed in her infuriated façade.

Ella squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold on to her anger. When she opened them, her gaze fell directly on the photograph on her bookshelf. It was the photo that Jack O'Neill had given her the day he told her that Daniel was dead. Her anger began to dissolve into grief. Not for herself this time. She began to feel grief for Daniel and all that he had lost. Was it all still gone? Did he remember his parents? Did he remember his wife? She picked up the picture and carried it with her to her couch.

She stared at the young faces, frozen in time behind the glass. They both looked ridiculously young. Daniel's hair had been long and shaggy and his glasses were huge. Young Ella's own face was unlined and unmarked, but she was already showing a wariness in her smile that made her seem older than she was. It had been taken on Ella's thirteenth birthday. After Daniel had been beaten up. Before she had become Brian's favorite target.

She wished that there had been pictures taken during the museum trip that Daniel had taken her on. She had fallen in love that day, with all the intensity that a fragile little 13-year-old heart could hold. When they had reconnected as adults, it had been so different. But he had still been Daniel.

And she had still loved him. There had been a few others. A boy in high school. A few in college. She had actually been seeing someone when she met Daniel in the grocery store, years ago. But none of them could compete with her first love. Daniel had been her hero. How could a normal boy compare?

She thought of Daniel as she had last seen him. During the last few months, he had seemed so tired and weary. He couldn't talk about it. Just wrote it off as "work stress." But there was more. Ella could tell. She knew him too well. Their time together became more intense. She began to suspect that he used sex with her as a way to push off his own deep sorrow and keep her from asking too many complicated questions. She hadn't minded, not really. But she had been worried. More than once she woke to an empty bed with him standing in the living room, staring into the night. When she asked what he was doing, he simply replied "Questioning." She would wrap her arms around him and rest her cheek against his back, trying to give him the comfort he wouldn't ask for. Daniel never pushed her away.

And then he was gone. And she had been alone.

What had happened to him? Jack had told her that Daniel died to save the lives of many others. For three months, Ella had scoured old newspapers trying to find some international or domestic incident that seemed like the one. None of them seemed right. But then, she had no idea what she was looking for. What had Daniel done? Would she ever learn the truth?

Before, she had understood what they were. They were friends. They had become lovers. There were things he could not give her the same as she couldn't give him the domestic married life she knew that he had dreamed of. The whole wife and kids thing held no appeal to her. Not then. She had her job. She saw too many kids that didn't get enough love. She wanted to be there for them 100, and fearedthat she wouldn't have enough for children of her own. Daniel accepted that and never pushed. After all, there were parts of himself that he held back from her. In her heart, Ella felt they had failed each other equally. But they had shared so much and loved so much that it had been worth it. Tears started to fall as she thought again about what it had been like for him. He had been lost with no memory and no history. What if he had been hurt? And tonight all she had done was scream at him, blaming him for the pain of the last year. Almost hitting him in her rage.

But what was she supposed to do now? Daniel was back, but he didn't know her. And she was not the same person she had been. She wanted more. Her life had changed. Was there still room in it for Daniel? Did she want to let him in?

Ella's cat jumped into her lap, giving her a deeply concerned look. As Ella stared into the large, amber eyes, she knew the answer. "Oh, Tink…" Ella sighed, as she scratched the marmalade cat. Tink had no answers, just continued to knead her human's legs. Ella's anger was gone and her intense grief was fading. None of this was Daniel's fault. Daniel would never have abandoned her if there had been anyway to prevent it. They were too important to each other. He had saved her and, once or twice, she had saved him. Maybe they couldn't go back to what they were before, but Ella couldn't imagine not taking this third chance to have Daniel back in her life.

She still had Jack O'Neill's card. Tomorrow she would call him. He could put her in contact with Daniel. While she was at it, she would apologize to Jack as well. She had been monstrously rude to him. He was no more to blame for her pain than Daniel was. She was pretty sure that he would forgive. He seemed like a pretty good guy.

Ella felt like she had lived through an emotional train wreck today. It was definitely time for bed. First, she went to wash her face. The bathroom mirror did not reflect a pretty image. Puffy eyes, red nose, bedraggled hair. She could feel a bruise from where she had fainted in the grocery store. She thought about how she had looked that first night at the Greerson's, so many years ago, the first time she had met Daniel. She had not been exaggerating when she told Jack O'Neill that she had been barely civilized when she met Daniel. All of the love and care that her mother had given her the first nine year of her life had been shoved to the back of her mind by the time she was 12. As an adult, Ella often mused that she had hid it there for safekeeping. At any rate, three years later, self-care, even routine tasks such as washing and brushing her hair were not priorities for her. But Daniel found ways to remind her, never judging her. He understood.

Smiling to herself at the memories, Ella brushed her hair. She turned out the light and went to her bedroom. The phone at her bedside beckoned to her. She didn't have to be alone tonight. All she had to do was call and he would come. But, no, she decided. She needed to work through this on her own. As she drifted off to sleep, her thoughts moved back to Daniel. _He must have been so scared…_

OoOoOoOoOoOo

Ella dreamed…

_…she was kissing him. His lips, his smell, his taste. It was all so familiar and it was so good. His arms wrapped around her back while his sensitive fingers trailed down her neck. Ella moved herself so that she straddled Daniel's lap, a knee beside either hip. She moved closer, feeling him rise beneath her. His hand moved down, tracing the lacy edge of her bra, then grasping her firmly, making her purr, making her moan. She arched her back as Daniel's lips followed the path of her pulse, lingering at her collarbone. She released a sigh of pure delight. It was always so good with Daniel. With him, she never felt too fat or too stupid. Daniel felt like coming home._

_Daniel's strong hands grasped around her bottom and he rolled so that she was lying underneath him, he legs wrapped firmly around his waist. She closed her eyes, as he gently knitted his fingers through her hair. He gripped her hair tighter._

_**It hurt!**_

_The dreamscape shattered, spinning crazily off of its axis. On her knees, too dark to see, she was choking. Ella knew, she **knew**, it wasn't Daniel she was with. It was him. Not Daniel, **HIM!** He was forcing himself into her mouth, killing her, one hand wrapped around her neck, the other yanking her hair so tight, she thought he would rip it from her skull. _Stop, please stop,_ she thought, but she was dying. No one would ever hear her. No one would ever care because she was getting what she deserved. _I'm sorry, _she prayed. _Please God, I'm sorry. Make this stop. _She could hear a faint pounding, God tried to hear her, but she knew that rescue would never come. She deserved this. She was dying, forever dying, begging for him to stop, pleading for air, praying for God to forgive her. But she knew she wouldn't be absolved. She would spend her eternity on her knees in the closet, praying for forgiveness from a sin she never meant to commit._

Gagging, thrashing, smothering a scream, Ella fell out of her bed, landing hard on her hands and knees. Her head spun as the dream dissolved and the real world pushed into her awareness. She gasped for air, fresh oxygen clearing her mind. It had been years since she had had that dream. She pulled her phone down to the floor and pressed Speed Dial.

"Please come over," she whispered tightly once the connection was made. "Please. I need you." She clicked the phone off and grasped her knees, rocking slightly as she breathed in and out. He was coming, he would be right over…

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TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

_Warnings: Some language, references to some violence from "Picture Book."_

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Previously: 

"Please come over," she whispered tightly once the connection was made. "Please. I need you." She clicked the phone off and grasped her knees, rocking slightly as she breathed in and out. He was coming, he would be right over…

* * *

Daniel 

The next morning, Daniel woke with Ella's name on his lips. He remembered her. Not everything, he was sure, but he remembered more than a tattoo and a favored shade of nail polish. Images were overlapping in his mind faster than he could process them. That was how it happened sometimes. As his pre-ascended life came back to him, sometimes the facts were just there, like how to shoot a gun or the line of ascendancy to the ancient Assyrian throne. Other moments returned to him in big dramatic rushes. The death of his parents was one of those moments. But sometimes the memories returned as fragmented, jumbled images that took time to assemble. That was how he remembered Sha're and it seemed that was how he was going to remember Ella.

Last night, he had asked Jack to tell him nothing. Daniel wanted to see what would come back to him on his own. Now he wished he had asked _something_ so his thoughts had some frame of reference. He sat for a few minutes at the edge of his bed trying to soothe the chaos of his thoughts. Images of a dream from last night surfaced. There had been a door. It was closed and he knew there was something behind it. As he stared at it, Daniel was filled with loathing and fear. It made no sense. What was the dream about?

Sighing with frustration, Daniel stood and stretched. He reminded himself that these things took time and muttered a few other clichés as he walked to the bathroom.

Heading for the shower, Daniel caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror. The damage he saw shocked him into a double take. Leaning closer, he realized that it wasn't his reflection he was seeing; it was a memory. Overlying his own familiar features, Daniel saw himself younger and smaller. There were bruises everywhere. The feeling of being hit over and over came back to Daniel. What started it, he didn't know. But he knew that he had been pinned to the closet door from his dream by Brian, the only son of the family he and Ella lived with. Ella was trapped behind it, screaming to be let out. Brian had done his best to beat Daniel to death that day. The intensity of the memory faded as Daniel looked away from the mirror, but the sensations remained. As he stripped off his nightclothes, Daniel remembered how painful it had been, unsticking his shirt from the welts and bruises on his chest and back. He could feel the soap and water stinging in the cuts on his face.

His shower revived him and helped keep his thoughts in the present. By the time he was drinking his morning coffee, Daniel felt that he was on firmer mental ground than he had been on since last night. That was when he heard a knock at his door.

"Jack, Teal'c, come on in." He wasn't surprised to see Jack, but Teal'c was unexpected. But the Jaffe had brought fresh doughnuts and Daniel needed the company.

After everyone was settled in the living room, Jack spoke up. "So?" The older man managed to communicate pounds of meaning in that one syllable. Daniel knew that Teal'c had been brought up to speed on the whole situation, including the events of last night. Daniel also knew that Jack expected to learn if anything had changed since last night.

"I remember her, Jack," Daniel admitted. "I remember a lot. But now I need to ask, what did Ella tell you? How did you meet her in the first place?"

Jack's reply was simple; "You sent her to me."

"I did?"

"Yep." Jack stretched out his legs and selected a doughnut. He considered his next words as he sipped his coffee. "It seems that you gave her my number in case she ever needed to reach you in an emergency. You hadn't told her that you worked for the military. You hadn't even told her that I did. Thanks for that, by the way. I love giving death notifications to total strangers. Advance notice from you would have been nice."

"I'm sorry," Daniel said. "It seems that Ella came back in my life very soon after Sha're was taken. I guess I just wanted to keep her safe."

"Well, that makes sense." Jack paused for a moment. "Anyway, she called me and asked if you were okay. I had no idea who she was or how she knew me, so I asked to meet her. If she really was a friend of yours, I just couldn't tell her over the phone that you were dead. When we met, well, I don't know what I was expecting, but she wasn't it."

"What do you mean, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

"It's just, I've met a few of the women that Daniel has been 'friends' with. Ella's – different. You'd like her T. She's got a big personality. I don't know how to describe it, really. I liked her. She had this black tee shirt on that read 'Starfucker.' I just couldn't see Daniel with someone in that shirt."

Something came to Daniel right then. "Wait a minute. I bought her that shirt."

"Oh, well," Jack selected another doughnut. "I really did like her. When I told her that you had passed away a few months before, I mean since I couldn't tell her the truth, she gave me this look, not begging, but _telling_ me to take it back. To make it not true. She was tough, but I could tell that she was hurting. And you know, I think, somehow she already knew. She knew something was wrong. It had been too long. This was about four months after you…went all glowy on us…She knew you pretty well Daniel. It seems that you grew up together."

"We spent some time together in a foster home," Daniel responded to Teal'c's quizzical look.

"About two years," Jack elaborated. "From what Ella said, sounds like it was a rough gig."

"Rough gig?" Teal'c did not know what that meant.

"Daniel?" Jack fielded the question to the person who might be able to answer it better.

"From what I remember, that house was - challenging." Daniel explained. "The routine seemed to work like this; the mother was oblivious to everything, the father took out his frustrations by knocking around his son. The son, Brian, took out his frustrations by hitting me. I wasn't really good at defending myself then." Daniel took a long pause. "I think that when Ella moved in, Brian started aiming for her as well."

"How old was this son?" Teal'c asked.

"He was 16, I was 14. Ella was 12." Some dark emotion was welling in the back of Daniel's mind.

"Brian's in jail now," Jack commented. Daniel and Teal'c looked at him in surprise.

"How do you know that?" Daniel wanted to know.

"Ella told me. I think her exact words were, 'He finally hurt a girl someone cared about.'"

The words brought a large lump to Daniel's throat. With it came a strong sense of shame and failure. The words were heartbreaking, but there was something more… "Excuse me." Daniel took his coffee mug back to the kitchen for a refill. Breathing deeply, he leaned against the sink, fearing for a moment that he might throw up. His dream rose behind his eyes. What was behind that damn door?

Daniel took his coffee and rejoined his friends. "Everything okay?" Jack asked.

"Yes – no. I don't know." Daniel replied. "There's something…at the back of my mind. I just…you said that Brian is in jail now?"

"That's what Ella told me."

Daniel leaned back on his sofa, gently digging through what he had recalled. "Brian attacked me once. He had hit me before, and I had been beaten up before, but this was different. He was _beating_ me. You know what I mean?" Both of his friends understood. They had both faced brutality and knew the difference between that and a schoolyard fight. "I don't know why it started but I thought he was going to kill me. I was pinned against this closet door; Ella was trapped inside. She kept screaming to get out, for him to stop. He was just hitting me, over and over…He was a big guy and I was still pretty small then. I tried to defend myself, but…he said something, something like, 'This is for you, bitch.' Something like that. It's like he was hurting me to get to her. She had gotten away from him so he grabbed me instead…I really thought he was going to kill me…"

"How did you get away from him, DanielJackson?" Teal'c's voice was calm but Daniel could hear the anger beneath the surface.

"I don't think I did, Teal'c. I think he just finally stopped. I sort of fell to the ground, he spit on me. I think that was it. Next thing I remember, Ella was leaning over me, crying. She took care of me, made sure that I was okay." Daniel closed his eyes against the pain of the memory. "I was so humiliated. I promised her that I would protect her, that I would keep her safe. But I never could…" Daniel finished quietly.

"I do not understand," Teal'c said. "You have made it clear that this Brian would have attacked your friend had you not intervened. Being younger, she may very well have died at his hand."

"Teal'c, I don't know if I intervened or if I just didn't get away fast enough. And - " Here Daniel broke off, unsure how to articulate the jumble in his head. There was something – something big – and it was bad. Daniel sat with his elbows resting on his knees, tapping his forehead with his fisted hands.

"Daniel?" Jack gently prodded.

"Something happened. And it was bad." There was that word again. It was a child's word. A word of inarticulate fear. But with all the twenty plus languages Daniel knew, it was the only one that worked. The door in his dream loomed up again. "There was another fight. I was older, bigger, but I still wasn't enough." The scene unfolded behind his eyes. "Brian chased Ella up the stairs. He punched me in the stomach and I wasn't able to get to her in time. She was screaming…by the time I got upstairs, I saw him go after her into the closet. I tried to get the door open…" Then Daniel remembered. "Oh my god, I think he raped her."

"What?" Jack exclaimed. Teal'c's face was shut into the look of extreme seriousness that Daniel had learned to think of as Teal'c's "warrior face." "Daniel, what…why? What happened?" Anger flamed through Jack's voice.

Daniel spoke slowly, reliving the horror of that night. "When Brian finally opened up the door, he said, 'That was fun.' And he was zipping up his pants. Oh my god. She was only 14." Daniel walked over to his window, staring out. He couldn't face the other men. "She was so scared. She couldn't talk or cry. She was just shaking. I told her I would take care of her." Bitterness ripped Daniel apart. Another woman who depended on him had been hurt because he hadn't been fast enough or strong enough. _He just hadn't been enough._

"This was not your fault, DanielJackson," Teal'c asserted from behind him.

Daniel barely heard his friend. "She never told me what happened, what he had done. I tried to get her to tell me to, but she wouldn't. Brian told her he would kill me if she told anyone. An ex-boyfriend had killed Ella's mother after Ella told her mom that the boyfriend was scaring her. Brian knew this and he told her that he would do the same to me. She had no reason to think he couldn't do it. I couldn't even defend myself against him. God, I can't believe I let him get to her." He shoved his fist against the window jamb. She had been so young.

"Daniel, no." Jack stood up and walked over to his friend. "I am not letting you do this to yourself. You have to talk with her. Ella told me that you got her out of there, that you got her moved somewhere safe before you left for college. You did your best dammit. This wasn't your fault!"

Daniel turned to face his team leader. "Jack, I don't think she ever told me. Ever. Why wouldn't she? I must have asked her after we grew up, when we met here. Why couldn't she trust me?"

After a long pause, Teal'c spoke up. "Is it possible that Ella kept her secret not out of simple fear, but out of superstition?"

"What do you mean?" Daniel couldn't follow Teal'c thoughts.

"As an adult, did Ella know that you worked in a dangerous job?" Teal'c inquired.

"I don't know." Daniel responded.

"She did," Jack cut in. "You kept your secrets pretty well, Daniel, but she's a smart girl. She figured it out."

"Then it is possible that she never told you the full story because she held a superstitious belief that by not telling you, even as an adult, you would not be hurt. After all, she must have lost her mother at a very young age. Maybe she was hoping to prevent any further tragedy. She had seen you attacked and you say that the time Brian beat you, it was to punish her. Somehow, she learned that her actions could hurt or harm you as well."

Daniel wanted to reject that idea. "Bu that doesn't make any sense. She was just a kid when this all happened."

"Superstitions are rarely logical. And may I remind you that you also were just a child when this violence took place."

"I was 15." Daniel said.

"Daniel, I think our friend has a point" Jack supported Teal'c's theory. "If that is the case, Ella may not even be aware that she has that fear. It could be subconscious, or unconscious or whatever. Look, do you remember much from knowing Ella as an adult?"

Once again, images flooded Daniel's mind. There were many memories from after they reunited in Colorado. "Yeah, we spent a lot of time together."

"Okay, then realize she loved you Daniel. She told me that you loved each other and took care of each other, as children _and_ as adults." Jack took a breath, visibly controlling his temper. "What happened when you were younger was horrible and wrong for _both of you._ Neither of you should have had to experience that kind of abuse and if someone had just drowned that shitty little bastard at birth the world would have been a much happier place. However, Ella doesn't blame you for this. Brian didn't beat you and rape Ella because you weren't man enough to stop it. He did it because he's a soulless bastard and that's what soulless bastards do. Ella's a survivor, the same as you. Talk to her. Go to her house and tell her what you remember. She can help."

Jack always had such a unique way of putting things. As Daniel met his friend's furious gaze, Jack firm statements crowded out his own self-doubts. But he still didn't know what he would say to Ella after all of this time. Daniel walked back to the sofa, and sank down. "I don't know. I just don't know."

"Okay Daniel, there is something that I haven't told you." Jack sat down as well, looking a little uncomfortable. "The night Ella called me, I found this picture. It was obviously you, but you were young. You were sitting on steps with a young girl with red hair."

"Ella?" Daniel guessed.

"Yeah," Jack responded. "I found the picture in a box of classified military materials. I had been through that box before and it was not there. Until after Ella called me."

Daniel did not know where Jack was going with this story. Teal'c was confused as well. "O'Neill, are you saying that…what are you saying?"

"Jack, are you saying you think that my ascended self somehow put that picture where you would find it for her?" That just seemed ridiculous.

"I'm not saying anything," Jack insisted. "But that picture was the only thing that made Ella feel any better that day. She acted like I had given you back to her somehow.And everyone in this room knows that while Daniel was ascended, or whatever, he wasn't always that far away from people hecared about when those people really needed him."

Daniel was always frustrated during the rare times that conversation turned to things he might have done while ascended. He remembered almost none of it. Jack just continued to look at Daniel with a slightly smug expression. Then Teal'c turned to Daniel with the raised eyebrow, considering what Jack had just said. "Alright, stop it, both of you. I don't remember it. Staring at me like that won't make the memories clearer.

"Sorry," Jack apologized. "I just think you need to talk to her. I think she'll listen. She was devastated when you died. Give her a chance to be happy that you are alive."

"Okay, I'll call her, or go over or something. I promise." Daniel considered what his next action should be, staring into his empty coffee mug.

"So, Daniel, if you remember Ella as an adult, can you tell us how you know that she has a tattoo on her hip?" Jack asked innocently.

Daniel blushed and smiled. "You know Jack, some of this really gets to stay in my head only."

"Damn."

* * *

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I always forget to put these. So, just so we are clear. I own nothing "Stargate." Just Ella. She is all mine.

* * *

Previously: 

"Sorry," Jack apologized. "I just think you need to talk to her. I think she'll listen. She was devastated when you died. Give her a chance to be happy that you are alive."

* * *

Ella and Daniel

That night, Daniel found himself in front of Ella's one story house. He hadn't called. He just asked Jack for the address and drove over before he lost his courage. It had taken him several moments to get out of the car. He remembered Ella's temper. He knew how close he had come to getting hit last night. Now he stood at her door. He had reached out to knock at least five times but each time he pulled back. What would he say to her? How could he apologize for the last year? And last night? Finally he sucked up his courage and reminded himself that he wanted Ella back in his life, however mad she might be at the moment. He knocked. The door opened instantly.

She leaned on the doorframe giving him an exasperated look. "What? Recently resurrected from the dead, possibly zombified ex-lovers don't call before they come over?"

Of all the possible greetings that Daniel had prepared himself for, this one had not come up. At a loss, he could only reply, "I'm not a zombie."

"Prove it."

"What?"

"You say you're not a zombie. Prove it before I let you into my house." Ella didn't move from the door.

"I have no desire to eat your brains," Daniel ventured.

Ella considered his response for a moment before she moved. "Good enough. Come on in." She led him down her short front hall to the cozy living room. Her cat jumped up on the couch and yelled for attention.

"Hey, Tink. How ya' been?" Daniel sat down next to the marmalade cat and gave him a good deep scratching.

"You remember my cat's name?" Ella asked in annoyance. "24 hours ago, you didn't know who _I _was."

Feeling oddly guilty, Daniel looked up at the tall woman. "Sorry. I never know when or how things are going to come back to me."

Ella felt awkward, standing in the middle of her room. Her bravado was slipping. Daniel was here and she had no idea what to do or say. It was like having a very familiar stranger in front of her. "Would you like a drink?"

"Sure. Do you have any coffee?" Daniel asked.

She smiled slightly. "Yes. Funny, I just started buying it again." She headed towards the kitchen. She could think a little clearer now that she wasn't looking at the reality of Daniel, back from the dead. She felt some of her humor returning. "You know, I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to knock on that door. You pulled up 20 minutes ago."

"You heard me?" Daniel spoke up from the other room. "Why didn't you just open the door?"

"Why didn't you just knock?" Ella muttered to herself. Louder, she responded, "The zombie thing had me worried." She scooped grounds into the newly purchased coffee pot.

Alone with the cat, Daniel tried to work this distant woman into the warm memories he had of Ella. It seemed that Tink had accepted him with no reservations and had curled up on Daniel's lap into a tight orange colored ball. Daniel wished he knew what the other redhead planned on doing.

"It'll take a moment." Ella rejoined him and perched on the arm of her easy chair. She looked as uncomfortable as a person could when sitting in her own house.

"Ella," Daniel said softly, "I'm sorry." It never hurt to start with an apology.

"For what?" She wasn't looking at him.

"For…everything, I guess." This was not going as Daniel had wanted it to.

Her eyes seemed very green when she turned to face him. "Where were you?"

Damn. "Ella, I can't tell you where I was. It's all-"

"Classified." She finished the sentence with him. "Shit." Ella muttered. She stood and walked over to the window, her back to him.

"There was always so much that you wouldn't tell me," she continued. "I knew it. You were good. You'd always skillfully switch the conversation back to me and I would forget my questions. But I'm not stupid. Of course, I have to say that I could not believe it when I found out that you worked for the military. That _still _makes no sense. But back then I accepted the fact that you kept secrets. And then one day, you stopped calling." Wrapping her arms around herself, she turned to face him, showing her anger for the first time that night. "Do you remember me? And us? Or are you just here because Jack O'Neill said you should come?"

"I'm here because I remember you. No one sent me."

She glared at him for several seconds. "I didn't think too much about it, at first. Not hearing from you. Even after a month went by. We had gone that long before without talking. But then a second month passed and a third. And then your phone was turned off. That scared me. I wanted to call Jack, but I just couldn't, yet. And then one night I had this dream. You were standing in the desert, surrounded by this red sand. It was blood-red sand Daniel. You said, 'This is where I am Ella. You won't find me here.' When I woke up, I couldn't _feel_ you anywhere. You were gone. You weren't in my books; you weren't in the shirt you had left here. You were well and truly gone. I went to your apartment and let myself in. Everything was empty. Someone had taken you away and I didn't know what had happened!" Ella was crying by now, curling in towards herself.

Daniel could not take it anymore. He lifted the protesting cat off of his lap and went over to his old friend. He put his arms around her. For a second she resisted, tensing, but then she reached for him as well. They wrapped around each other and it felt right. They reconnected, remembering what the other felt like, smelled like. It had been far too long.

Ella sighed a little as she rested her head on Daniel's shoulder. "God, you suck," she said.

"Me? What did I do?" He was not ready to let go yet.

Ella leaned back and punched him on the shoulder, not as lightly as Daniel would have preferred. "You died, you idiot. Whatever actually happened, I thought you were dead. And if that doesn't qualify you as sucking hardcore, I don't know what does."

"I _am_ sorry, Ella."

"I know." She reached up and kissed his forehead, savoring the feel of him. "Let me get your coffee." Her mind felt a little whirly as she walked to the kitchen. She started to dig around for the mug that she had shoved out of sight a year ago. She prepped his coffee and poured a large glass of wine for herself, carrying both back to the living room. Daniel was standing in front of her overstuffed bookcases, looking through her collection. "That mess is all your fault you know. When I met you, I was barely literate. And if my own books weren't a big enough problem, after Jack met me, he sent me some of your collection. Things he thought I might like."

Daniel was absurdly pleased to see the ugly yellow mug that said, "Archeology: Can You Dig It?" with a goofy happy face. "I remember that mug!" he laughed.

"I would hope so. It was a Christmas gift from me the first Christmas we were both here. I buried it away last year, but I couldn't bring myself to throw it out."

Daniel continued to look at the books. "Some of these do look familiar."

"Well, you'll have to come back some day and reclaim the ones that you want." She took a healthy sip from her glass while they sat down on the couch. "I missed you Daniel. Nobody that I knew even knew you. I told my coworkers that my former foster brother had passed on, but that wasn't all that I had lost. Many times I almost called Jack O'Neill just so I had someone to talk about you with, but I couldn't. Jack was really nice to me when I met him, but…So, can you tell me _anything_? Do you even know what happened?"

"Truthfully, I don't know a lot. There is about a year's worth of time that I don't think will ever come back to me. One day, I just woke up in a village. They took care of me, fed me, named me, even. I just helped them with work, foraging for food and stuff like that."

"'Foraging for food'? Where on Earth were you?"

"Ella, I really don't want to lie to you and I just can't tell you. Please understand."

"Sorry, you're right. I slipped." She gave him a long speculative look. "What did they name you?"

"They called me 'Arom.' In their language it meant 'naked one.' My first memories were waking on the ground, cold . Everything felt wrong, but I had nothing to compare it to. I didn't know what 'right' felt like." The fact is that at that point Daniel had been stripped of every emotional and mental defense he had ever had. He was naked in every sense of the word. But, judging by the worried crease on Ella's forehead, this was not the time to go into that. Most people just laughed when he told them the name. "Anyway, they named me that because I was left there with no clothes."

Now she looked really concerned. He used to be better at making her laugh, he was sure of it. "Were you hurt?" she asked.

"No, no. I was fine," he rushed to assure her. "Better than fine. I was in perfect health, except for the glasses. And I didn't even know that I needed them. I just figured that was how everyone saw things."

Ella was having a very hard time wrapping her mind around all of this. Where could he have gone that no one had ever heard of glasses? Was he with some lost tribe in the Himalayas? How had he gotten there? She knew that he was telling all that he could, but she wanted to know more.

Daniel watched her emotions dance across her face. This was a lot for anyone to take in and he couldn't even tell her half of it.

"What about now?" Ella asked. "A day ago, you had no idea who I was. Now you're sitting on my couch. _Do_ you remember us? Do you remember when we were kids? When we were…adults?"

Daniel smiled at her question. "I think I remember most of it." His eyes were so warm and rich that Ella feared her heart would break. Oh, she needed to tell him _now._ She turned away for another fortifying sip of wine.

"Ella," Daniel said. "There is something I need to ask." She turned back so she could look at him. His smile was gone.

"What is it, Daniel?"

"What happened in the closet?" As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted asking like that. A while ago, Jack had accused him of loosing no small measure of tact and delicacy when Daniel had been ascended. It seemed it had not all returned.

Ella's color dropped to gray and a tinge of panic trickled through her eyes. "Why are you asking me that, now?" She pulled out of his reach.

"You've never told me, have you? Why?" Daniel couldn't stop the questions from coming.

She jumped off the couch and started to pace. "I never told you because you were there. You know all you needed to know. You're not my fucking therapist, Daniel. Can we please stop having this conversation?"

He held up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry, Ella. I'm sorry. I should not have asked like that." He tried to explain. "In my head, it's like some of this just happened yesterday. The emotions. Everything. It's all still there and fresh. I don't have the perspective of time. I just remembered this awful thing and I know what I _think_ but I don't know for sure and – I'm sorry. I had no right to dump this on you with everything else."

Ella looked slightly mollified. "It's just that that was a long time ago, Daniel. For both of us. I worked through all that years ago. We are more than the sum of the bad things that happened to us as children. I am not a little girl anymore and you don't have to worry about this. Okay?"

As he looked up at her, Daniel could honestly believe that Ella had thrived despite her childhood. But there was still something he wanted to say. "Ella, I am so sorry that I let him hurt you."

"Daniel, no." She was shocked at what he said. She went and sat next to him again, taking his hands into her own. "It wasn't your fault. None of it. You did everything you could to protect me. You got me out of there! When I remember those years, you were my hero. What happened to me," she squeezed his hands tighter, "what happened to both of us happened because Brian was a sick little bastard. That's what those kind of people do."

He believed her. Her words were so similar to what Jack had said that Daniel was amused. The he remembered what Teal'c had also said. "Can I ask one more question?"

She heaved a deep sigh and smiled wryly. "Sure, one more."

"Is it possible that you never told me because you were afraid that something might happen to me?"

Ella went very still. Her face was unreadable. "I never thought of it that way."

"So…was that the reason?"

Ella stared at him silently for a long time. "I don't know. Maybe. After my mother, I just knew what happened when little girls told the truth. And I was so scared of Brian. I knew what he could do to you." She shook her head and took a deep breath. "After we grew up, I knew that somehow your world was dangerous. You would come over here and have bruises, or your arm in a sling. I would have done anything to keep you safe. Maybe, somehow, I thought that I could." They wrapped each other in a hug. It seemed that they could not stop touching.

As Ella rested her head on Daniel's chest, she heard his heart beating, reveling in the miracle of him being alive. It was time to tell him. "Daniel, I missed you. So much. I missed having you in my life. Even those years that we didn't talk, just knowing that you were out there, doing what you wanted to do, made me happy. And when we met out here, well…it was great. Just being your friend was enough. I mean, I know thing changed over time, and don't get me wrong, the sex was great. Especially what you got." She heard him chuckle, softly. "But I just wanted you back. I wanted you to knock on my door and tell me some incredibly boring archeology fact or make me watch some tedious documentary." She tilted her head up and looked into his eyes. "You are my friend and my family and I missed that."

"I missed you too. Even when I thought that I had most of memories back, I felt like something was missing. It was you." Daniel lowered his head and kissed her lightly on the lips.

She closed her eyes, savoring his taste. But: "Daniel, I've met someone."

It took Daniel a moment to register her words. "What?"

She sat up, biting her lip. "I met someone."

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Oh. Okay. Wow." He didn't know how to respond to this. "And you - "

"I love him." She smiled a little. "I think you would like him. He's a scientist, teaches astrophysics at the college. And he's so smart. I seem to go for the guys with the brains."

Daniel tried to figure out what he felt about this. Ella, his best friend, his "little sister", was in love. With someone else. Well, what had he expected when he came over here tonight? He had been gone for over a year. And what had he really wanted? He'd remembered enough by now to know that his relationship with Ella had had its limits. It had been wonderful in every phase and exactly what they both needed and wanted _at that time_. But where should they go now?

There was fear in Ella's eyes. Fear that Daniel would be hurt or angry. Fear that he would leave and she would lose him again, this time for good. He couldn't stand to see that look. He smiled at her. "So you like him, huh?"

"Very much."

"Is it serious?" He gave his best "big brother" voice.

"If he doesn't ask me to marry him soon, I'm asking him."

Now _that_ was a surprise. "Marriage? Are you kidding me?"

Ella laughed out loud. "I know, I know. I know what I have always said. But something about Alex… Everything I thought I never wanted, a husband, a child, it turns out I want. With him."

Hearing that hurt, just a little. But he could handle it. "Alex? That's his name?"

Her smile got bigger. "Dr. Alexander Portmanoy. I know, it's an awful name. But he is not as geeky as it sounds. Okay, well he's pretty geeky, but I like that in a guy." Ella paused and looked pensive. "Daniel, I had to let you go for this to happen. And that was the hardest thing I have ever done. When I saw you, I got confused. But when I needed someone last night, he was the only one I wanted. That's when I knew."

"Ella, when I came over here tonight, I had no idea what was going to happen. We have always been more than 'just friends.' You were my first crush, and my best friend and often a total pain in my ass. And I don't think any of that will change. What we have is special." He paused to get his emotions in check. Ella had turned into an amazing woman and Daniel would make sure that this "Alex" knew that. "So, once I meet this guy and approve of him you may get married to him _if_ that is what you really want.".

"I 'may get married to him'? What the hell does that mean?" Ella asked, annoyed.

Smug faced, Daniel pulled her into a hug. "I'm just saying, I'll be the judge on whether or not he's good enough for you." He looked long and hard into her face. "And I'll make sure that he knows that if he _ever_ hurts you, you have friends in the military. And I don't just mean me. Jack liked you a lot." Daniel was making a mental note to have this guy checked out. Ella was _his_ family. Daniel was only doing what any big brother would do.

She smiled warmly up at him. "I am safe with Alex. Trust me." The she gave a wicked smirk. "And just so you know, he's great in bed."

"Ack!" Daniel screamed, hands over his ears. Ella was giggling wildly. "TMI, Ella. TMI! Did not need to hear that!"

"Sorry," she laughed, clearly not. "I just wanted to make you laugh."

"You know, our relationship is just weird. You are just weird!" Daniel continued to protest while Ella laughed. Once she calmed down, he tried to ask her a serious question. "And this is what you really want?"

"Yes. But I want you in my life. He knows about you. What you and I have been to each other through the years. He wants to meet you."

"Well. Wow. My god you are going to get married. So? Tell me more about him."

She groaned. "Okay, okay. He and I met after you – whatever. I was so not looking for someone but what can you do? He has black hair and he's tall. He's an astrophysicist so I can't understand much of what he does. But I love when he talks about work." She looked a little dreamy for a second. "Of course in this town, he does occasionally contract out with the government and the base. I don't ask about that. It's easier on my nerves. But, I love him. I feel so lucky. And it's nice that he seems to like me to."

Daniel could hear the joy in Ella's voice. Here was a love that would be there for her every night. Someone who would share his work with her and his life. What more could Daniel have asked for her? But, Daniel kept his arms around Ella. For now, it still felt right.

They stayed on the couch, arms around each other, for hours. They talked about old times, laughing over events no one but them knew about. After a long time, Daniel realized it was time to go to his own home. Ella asked him to wait. She had one more question for him.

"When Alex and I get married, would you…would you walk me down the aisle?"

Daniel's face split into a huge grin. "Yes! I would be honored to."

"Thanks. I am afraid that my side of the church is going to look pretty sparse compared to his big family."

Ah yes, the eternal struggle of the orphan. Family events. Daniel knew where she was coming from far too well. "I might be able to scrounge up a few guests for you. Of course, remember, this is all contingent on my approval." He added impishly.

"Oh, right, of course." She walked him to the door.

In the entryway they stopped. In each other's faces, they could read pages of their own lives. Daniel went to kiss her on the cheek.

"Wait," she said. "If this is going to be our last kiss, let's make it count." So he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her lips. It was a sweet remembrance of the past that held the promise of the future.

* * *

The End. 


End file.
